I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
