I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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