I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
