my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
