there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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