Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
