I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this just has baby written all over it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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