Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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