Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it hurts more in the daytime
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
