my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
