he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
