i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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