We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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