You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
