its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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