Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
