yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
