I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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