bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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