I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize