I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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