apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
