it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
