Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
