we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
