make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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