just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize