he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
