Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize