At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
