went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
