so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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