If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
