you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
