Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
