if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
