In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
