I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
