They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
