my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
