went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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