Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
