btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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