you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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