my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
