You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
