Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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