he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
