Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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