i think my tv is drunk
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
