; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
