The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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