I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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