You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
