Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
