flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
