it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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