I think my vagina is haunted
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
