I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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