the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
