Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
