did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
