so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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